Away from the stampede of mediocrity, a unicorn is on the loose

DISCLAIMER: You've passed through our 'humorless corporate cog' filter and arrived at this little sarcasm sanctuary where we can speak freely, without fear of faux-offended proprietary police pissing on our 'my-little-uni-pony-with-lightning-bolts-shooting-out-its-butt' parade.

Plan B Unicorn

READY FOR MORE DETAIL ON THE SYMBOLISM?

So what’s it all about? Well, first, it’s about “who”, not ‘what.” And it’s really more about “how” those “who”s work. But, before this whole diatribe spins toward a Dr. Seuss parody, let me tell you that this mythological metaphor mashup is anything but ‘Seuss-y’ or uni-corny. In fact, our little uni-pony is actually emblematic of what really made America great in the first place: Ass-busting, no-excuse, failure’s-never-an-option, personally-invested, give-a-big-shit, mid-western, nose-to-the-grindstone WORK ETHIC! 

That’s the primordial soup that Plan B was born and bathed in. A belief that today’s ‘start-up-and-sell-out’ marketing agency culture breeds over-self-estimated, under-motivated hacks who work about as hard as Jaden Smith on a Louis Vuitton junket. A not-so-sneaking suspicion that your business is less of a fiery passion than a passing fancy to most of these folks. It’s a self-indulgent means to an end, and that’s a damn shame.

Plan B’ers, alternatively, are hell-bent on spending our days crafting work-life legacies that escape the sad ad industry truths parodied in film, novel and HBO series. You know that world of “proprietary, omni-channel, programmatic, one-to-one, agile, big-data-driven, hyper-influencer, brand-story-telling hype.” Always focused on what they ‘could’ be doing – or what they should be doing – instead of what they are doing. And then somehow always falling a bit short of accomplishing the REAL job: Selling more (Your Brand Here). Not surprisingly, one key component is conspicuously absent…

IT’S CALLED ‘HARD WORK’. ASK YOUR DAD ABOUT IT.

This unicorn with lightning bolts shooting out of its ass (symbol) reflects the absurd rarity of the kind of talent we employ and the grassroots belief in earning client loyalty we aspire to instill in every Plan B’er. It’s a chronically-curious, challenge-hungry work ethic that makes ‘Plan B’ not a second choice but an alternative to the trend-chasing, magic-tactical-bullet-obsessed, code-fluffing poseurs who’d rather spend time curating their latest, fanciest social media post than creating something of honest, lasting value.

So, if you’ve gotten this far and your sarcasm sensors are now set on ‘sizzling’, hang with me for one last lightning bolt:

If you truly want to build a goal-crushing marketing partnership, while remaining true to your inner-outlaw archetype and not wasting time/money, here’s what you do: Keep your current agency partner on the line (temporarily) and throw us a test project—even a non-critical, below-the-line hot-potato that no one wants to deal with.

I’ll bet you a pair of your CEO’s absurdly-polished Dolce & Gabbana oxfords that the results will have the C-suite cyber-stalking you with a newfound intrigue that says, “I need to have a Cobb salad over at The EastBank Club with that free-thinking, rainmaker-in-the-making and find out what he/she’s all about.”

First step: Pick a flaming hoop that you’re supposed to jump through next quarter, then pick up your mobile and call, email or text lead unicorn Brian Wendle. (312)-989-9698. He’s got a lightning bolt in his quiver with your name on… Wait, maybe that’s… Hey, just call him.